The delivery truck hadn’t even returned to the store when the phone rang. That’s why I could appreciate the card he gave me on our fifth wedding anniversary. Concerned, Steve said through the door, “Honey, really, it doesn’t matter if you’ve gone up a size or two.”. “For example,” he began, pointing to my husband, David, “do you know your wife’s favourite flower?”. “The warden’s mighty upset about it too.”, “Why?” asks the second prisoner. “That would require me to go home and say, ‘Hi, honey. Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow?
Are you cracking up from these great wedding jokes? My husband is a car nut. I was bending over to wipe up a spill on the kitchen floor when my wife walked into the room behind me. How come married women are heavier than single women? The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. As I stripped off my sweatshirt at the breakfast table one warm morning, my T-shirt started to come off too. My husband mumbled, “After more than 40 years, it’s a term of endurement.”, Last June, my friend told me about her plans for our upcoming prom. My friend’s husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Next, check out the funniest Reader’s Digest jokes of all time! Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. “It’s late,” she whispers. • I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. They never get the house anyway.
“It was my wife’s idea,” I explained to the grizzled salesman at the counter. “You should see the new woman on the force,” I said. Here are 50 more funny jokes to celebrate National Tell a Joke Day! Both my fiancé and I are in our 40s. They remind me of my in-laws.”. I know what I’m requesting.”. As my friend stood there—ankles deep in muck, muscles straining against the weight of the boat, and rain pelting his face—he grinned broadly and with unmistakable sincerity said, “Sure beats shopping!”, It may have been the most romantic statement ever uttered in our courthouse. When I saw an ad on television for a baseball autographed by one of his favourite players that cost $42, I rushed out and bought it for him as a gift. Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? . In Nevada, my husband and I attended the wedding of a man and woman of different faiths. My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. “And that explains the engagement.”. What do you think?” “That’s a serious matter,” came the reply. Pounding on the door until the wife opened it, the detective said, “This man claims to be your husband. During a heartfelt chat with her friend about relationships, my wife sighed and said, “You know, if something happened to Lloyd, I don’t think I could ever marry again.” Her friend nodded sympathetically. Don’t forget to salt them.
. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. Careful! “That’s why you need to lose ten pounds.”.
While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. “I thought we were talking about sex!”. “Have I asked you to marry me yet?” “No, you haven’t,” I gushed. Enjoy. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled The Meaning of Dreams. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes. The other night, after I crawled into bed next to him, he wrapped his large arms around me, drew a deep breath, and whispered, “Mmm … that Vicks smells good.”, I returned home from my ninth business trip of the year with a severe bout of jet lag–induced foot-in-mouth disease. Ready to groan? Now, he can’t.”, Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. But can you make it quick? When asked if she was enjoying herself, she politely replied yes. This concept was not lost on one bright boy who knew what those differences were: “When people marry more than once, it’s called polygamy. My new husband would be awaiting my arrival, I said, and would hurry out to meet me at the car. After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, “I have a confession.” She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, “Darling, so do I.” Recoiling, he says, “Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.” Justin Ezzi, Wilmington, California. Afterward, a man was overheard congratulating the father of the bride.
As they head toward the doors of the church, the wife of the deceased leaps to her feet and shouts, “Watch the wall!”. When my younger brother and his wife celebrated their first anniversary, they invited the rest of the family to join them for dinner. My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver’s license. That evening as we were watching television, the same commercial came on. Don’t miss these hilarious jokes for history buffs! “Diane,” she said emphatically, “just being man and woman is opposite enough.”. “This is just rosemary extract,” I complained to my husband. For my fourth Caesarian section I opted for a bikini incision, which, along with the previous scars, would form an arrow on my tummy. My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of financial difficulties.
“He appears to have solved all his marital problems by himself.”. Scramble them!
“Careful! I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” She answered, “I do.” Michael Jordan, Moss Point, Mississippi, • Never try to tell everything you know. “I bet you wish you’d married a smaller man,” my father said.
I showed him a wide selection, and quickly he picked out a pair.
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