MyJournal — 7/22/05 8:14 pm
Things have gone pretty well for me today. Since it was a day off, I didn’t do that much, but I actually felt like today was just the same as any other day. In fact, I have begun to worry that I don’t have enough separation between my hobby life and family life and work life. They are all seeming to merge together.
Mostly, it’s because I have a big list of things that I want to do, and most of them have hobby potential built right in to them because many of them are related to computer stuff.
This morning, I wanted to sit down and work on our family finances spreadsheet so that we could get all that stuff taken care of, but I couldn’t really do it, because when I sat down with the computer, I realized that I hadn’t put anything on my blog site in like forever, so I copied my journal notes to the computer thinking I might turn them into some blog posts. However, I decided against that in favor of posting the text that I had been working on for last week’s sermon. Since I had written the text up in a kind of manuscript format, I thought I would just post that.
Well, as I posted it, I realized that it wasn’t really complete and if I left it until later, I would likely never come back to it again. So, I just completed it. That took me about an hour to write all the stuff that I wanted to say (and did say in my last sermon), then formatting it took a little bit of time, and then I realized a couple weaknesses in the theme for my site, so that I had to spend some time fixing that.
All in all, it took me most of the morning, and the twenty minutes not given to that were spent on the Lego Star Wars video game with Charlie and some lightsaber duels with both the kids.
And, I don’t know if anyone ever reads it! That’s the thing that makes me wonder if it is really worth it. I know I enjoy it, but I don’t know if anyone actually reads it and that’s something that kinda bothers me. It’s great to have an archive of personal notes and all that, but I’m really doing it to benefit others.
Which reminds me of the book I’d like to write and haven’t even started… It’s the book on “one step closer” which would be a motivational and fund-raising effort for the new church plant. Basically, it’s a book sharing my vision for the way the Christian life should be lived. Of course, I don’t know if I’m living that life or not, so maybe the book wouldn’t be that good of an idea anyway.
So, here I am thinking that perhaps the blog is really just something for myself. Someday, it might become something more, but until then, I don’t know. Perhaps it really is a good exercise to be writing on a regular basis. Perhaps, God will use it. Perhaps if I don’t let it all waste my time, it will be good.
I think I need to get into the GTD system, but I don’t want to have a system that I’m tinkering with to distract me from what I should be doing. However, I’ve never been focused on what I should be doing, so maybe tinkering with a system like that would be a good thing.
I don’t know about that either.
I guess the bottom line is that I want to be more effective with my life. It’s not that I want to be more famous or anything specific. I just want to be more effective. If my effectiveness is with online ministry, then I want to have the guts to emphasize that and capitalize on my gifts in that area. If my effectiveness is with preaching, then I want to have the persistence to stick to that and really get better at it.
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Lord, ultimately, you are the only one who can make my life effective or not. you are the only source of true effectiveness. I don’t even know why I spend so much time trying to be effective without you.
It’s silly isn’t it? I mean, it’s silly to spend so much time trying to accomplish something or to feel important or to be effective when the reality is that you are the only one who can really make it happen. You are the only one who can give me perspective on what is really the most important thing and what I should be spending my time on. You are the one who will give me clarity and focus when I need it. I believe that, but I don’t live like that, because I really enjoy living out of focus. I really enjoy living with a nearsighted perspective on life that says I will deal with whatever I want to whenever it comes my way. That just isn’t a very wise way to live, though.
Wisdom. Perhaps it’s time for me to get back to the book of Proverbs. There really is so much in there that we should live out. Perhaps that is the book I should publish. Perhaps it isn’t something of my own creation, but something commenting on God’s word that should be the first thing I focus my energies on.
That might really be the answer. God if that is true, then I pray you would bring a confirmation of that to me over the next couple of days. Have someone else mention the book of proverbs to me in any context over the next week, and I will take that as confirmation of this focus. Otherwise, give me a different idea of what to focus on.
Of course, I would also like wisdom to know how I should write it and whether using a blog tool or a wiki or something would be better for me. I don’t like having so much in so many different places, but it is just sometimes too inconvenient to force myself to accept one mold when another seems so available. That really is a problem for me!
Well, Lord, I ask you one more thing for tonight. Would you give me clarity on which angle I should take on my message for Sunday? I’m really wondering if I should hit Nehemiah, Ecclesiastes or move on into something else. Most of all, I really want us to focus on you and get a word from you.
J
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