Greasy Farklehead

The following in an excerpt from a children’s book, Captain
Underpants. And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants
by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume
new names…

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first
name:

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d =  cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o  = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t =  tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half
of your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c =  giggle
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h =  waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m =  bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r =  gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w =  hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half
of your new last name:

a =  butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g =  pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m  = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r =  doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w =  squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush’s new name is Fluffy
Chucklefanny. Now when you comment on this, be sure to include your new name!